Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon’s parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
I really hope things work out in the end.
My wife’s cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home or got a job or a driver’s license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn’t want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won’t be ready until she’s experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they’re in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
I knew a girl who had been “homeschooled” by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn’t take, she was intelligent, but wasn’t given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who’ve ever woken up and been like, “Ughhh, I don’t want to go to school/work today” have spent years overcoming. That sense of, “Well, I’ve gotta do it, so let’s just get up and get it done” didn’t develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they’ll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being “the only correct way to live” needs to fucking die.
Sure, but being independent is still an important general life skill. You can rely on other people under normal circumstances, and that’s certainly not a bad thing, but there will always be scenarios in life where you need to figure things out for yourself. If you’re paralyzed with anxiety when that happens, that means there’s a skill you unfortunately were unable to learn that is now causing an issue.
And in these multi-generational homes what you see is the kids accepting the conditions based on them becoming the providers. I feel the comment is this is not happening.
american society wants young people to move out and get their own house sothat housing prices go up (which is good for everyone owning / selling / renting out houses, but not for those who then have to rent them)
I’ll take your thought process a step further here. I blame parents who raise children that dont leave for having children in the first place. Stop having children. Spay and neuter yourself. BOGO vasectomies for the people! Lol. Sorry, this one got a little away from me.
“I got a dog and kept it for 5 and a half years. Now I’ve had enough, and am kicking the dog out of my house. Time to live in the real world dog! I am a good dog owner.”
I believe parents should be ready to care for their children forever. Not only for disabled and handicapped kids, all of them. It should be a surprise a kid moves out.
That or suicide should be a selfless and honorable act. Since there isnt enough for everyone in the world, people who kill themselves are heros who are saving precious resources for those in need. A higher honor then military veterans.
You dont get to force people to exist, tell them to fucking shut up and get good, and also make suicide taboo. This life is your fault, deal with the problem you made. Being born is a consentless affair. Raped into life, forced into wage slavery, awaiting the relief of death.
Dont like it? Dont fucking have any kids deadbeats.
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I’ve got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what’s going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i’vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
probably end up homeless
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it’s likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn’t wait 38 years and then one day just decided “this is it”.
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer.
or maybe mom and dad want to fucking retire… god forbid! since if he is 38 they are most likely 65+
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer
The ban hammer is contraception. But of course mommy and daddy love it raw. Now its your problem.
in that case you arrange for a bachelor apartment for the guy. hes a human being after all.
Calm down, pal! I’m sure mum will bring the tendies soon.
The dude is 38 and never got off his ass. How long are you going to enable this? They already did for two decades.
His parents are almost certainly 65+ and cannot afford to support themselves and a leech.
Maybe his parents should pull up their bootstraps and get two part time Walmart greeter jobs on opposite ends of town.
to cut them off cold turkey
How are you reading it that way?
Having to “beg dad for money when I want a pizza” doesn’t sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who’s been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they’re not even kicking OOP out immediately, they’re giving them until their birthday.
I mean it is obviously fake, but still
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
To do neither is objectively abuse.
AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold
If he was living at home, paying a portion of all the bills, and overall carrying his weight, then sure. But, that is not the case, not at all.
My parents made sure to give me a will to fly the coop by making sure I couldn’t fucking stand to be around them
I almost think OP’s situation with 20 years of enablement is worse because it offers a persistent safety net, then rips it away
My parents made sure to give me a will to fly the coop by making sure I couldn’t fucking stand to be around them
yeah i get the impression too that some parents are intentionally abusive sothat their children leave the house as soon as possible
nevermind the money that could be saved by multi-generational households.
Something tells me they have been trying to get him out for the last decade (or two), and he decided to sit on his ass till the consequences finally hit. Worse, he appears to still be sitting on his ass even though the consequences are in motion.
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year. Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they’re not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they’re all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it’s not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn’t trying to help themselves. I’m not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
You’ll never make it without a good skillet
Skillet is the secret of a good life
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn’t years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
No point in saving. The climate is fucked and we will unironically die in the water wars.
I think this year’s summer really drove that home
Promise?
Its not “cold turkey”, because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn’t, then it’s kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
How’s the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There’s a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
It’s also worth mentioning that you have to reapply for disability benefits regularly, justifying yourself with several page paper forms every time. Even people with permanent disabilities have to reapply, as if the nerve damage from an accident or the congenital condition they were born with might suddenly go away. My girlfriend can’t write more than a few lines before the pain from her disability makes it too difficult, and they expect her to fill out what is practically a small pamphlet by hand every couple years. If it were at least a digital form, she could use speech-to-text to help her get through it, but as it stands she needs somebody else (last time it was me) to hand-write her answers.
The hoops the government puts out for disabled people to redeem benefits are straight-up cruel. They really want people to just give up, not apply at all, and… I dunno, just die, I guess?
I’m sorry your girlfriend is having to go through that. I gotta be honest, I’ve never heard of someone having to reapply for benefits unless their benefits were turned off, either due to incarceration or failure to utilize their money so it piled up in an account until they had too many assets and were disqualified from the program. Also, all the correspondence for this benefit is typed and printed, I’ve never heard of anyone having to hand write anything. This is in reference to SSI (Supplemental Security Income).
The government totally puts up all kinds of blocks to obtaining SSI though, most people genuinely cannot do it themselves due to the complexity of the process
The forms state you must reapply every year and do so promptly or risk not getting benefits. No matter who you are or what your disability is (except maybe the terminally ill?). At every turn they remind you not being prompt enough may result in a delay or outright rejection of your application.
All of the handwriting together probably amounts to a 1-1.5 page paper/essay equivalent with freeform questions about the disability, background, what you can/can’t do, a detailed description of what you do day-to-day, doctor contact information, etc, and they’ll just call you for it again later when you already detailed everything in the application itself. And yeah, this is all mailed to you after the online application process that can take a couple hours.
It’s pretty awful, even considering how bad bureaucratic process can be.
Are you able to figure out exactly what benefit this is for? I’d be interested to hear. It’s def not SSI
It is, SSI for disability
I might be confusing the yearly reapply with medicaid, but there are regular hoops to jump through, once you’ve already been accepted, to maintain disability benefits. Iirc terminal illness and the elderly are excluded, but not permanent disability. Like you have to keep telling them you’re missing a leg or some nonsense
£700/month without a mortgage to pay would be great. Its comparable to what I was earning from an apprenticeship when I first moved out once adjusted for inflation…
Sorry, you’re going to have to pay for housing too lol.
Oh, and if you work just a little, your benefit is decreased by the amount you earn, and if you earn more than $2500 in a year, the benefit is totally taken away.
So there is no incentive to get a part time job? Lol, what a dumb system.
It’s not dumb, it’s intentionally designed to hurt people
It also goes away if you marry someone
You get a pension in retirement (called Social Security), but you need to be of retirement age and have had a job in the past. You get full benefits if you were employed for at least 10 years.
You can also get disability payments if there is something preventing you from working.
authentic and heterosexual
Is this a phrase I’m unaware of? Or what does his sexuality have to do with it?
It’s an older 4chan/internet meme where everyone calls an original post and the poster “fake and gay”.
Ahh got it, thanks for clearing it up!
We all die at the end of our lives. A small mercy.
Horrible parenting tbh. And their son reminds them everyday how they failed as parents so they’re just kicking him out.
Yep, I think kicking your kids out when they turn 18 is fucked. But, it’s better to do it at 18 than 38.
I don’t know what the solution is, but it’s not this.
Sounds like some seriously bad parenting. How do you not force your kid to get a job and pay for all their shit until 38. He doesn’t stand a chance being kicked out. Need to teach how to support yourself
I’d assume that he has some kind of chronic illness (or several). If he didn’t at the start, he definitely developed one living like that.
While the time from child to mid twenties is definitely the parent’s fault, after that point you can try every trick in the book it won’t achieve a thing. Once someone masters weaponized incompetence they basically need a life or death wake-up call to do anything about it, and even then they might still not learn anything.
No one’s literally impossible to reform, but many people cross a point that requires a practically impossible amount of investment to reform.
It’s bad parenting alright. But I don’t believe that they’ve never made an effort before. More likely the guy has resisted any attempt to get him to be independent.
I wonder why the son resisted. Could it have anything to do with shitty parenting? Nahhhh
Getting a job without a car is very difficult.
Getting a car without a job is very difficult.
Getting a difficult without a car is very job
Difficult car a getting very is job without a
Getting a very is job without a difficult car.
Without getting very difficult, a car is a job
A car is very difficult without getting a job.
Car very difficult is getting a without job
This thread of this discussion is the humor break I needed while scrolling. Thankyou to everyone.
*in the US
Anon is in the US.
Is it? Most people I know dont drive to their job
Depends on where they live. They could probably get a bike and do a few jobs on apps (task rabbit, fiver, etc) to save for an e-bike and expand their area.
I know you can deliver food with e-bikes and if they live in a certain area it might be worth it.
There are a lot of factors though. Even if they look for remote work or online anything, there are so many traps and fake job postings that people get demotivated.
I feel gig work locks you into a cycle of poverty and dependence. It’s not transferable experience and it usually locks you into car ownership. Not sustainable for getting into the workforce.
I feel this is true too. Idk how I would get out of it in this day and age.
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Yeah how are you supposed to carry it home otherwise?
My son moved out for a couple of years, then had to move back in. I told him as long as I have roof over my head, he will too. I’d never kick my son out. I don’t understand how parents do that.
I mean 20 adult years and never having a job indicates some real problems. What they are is anyones guess but you’d think they could have managed to get something in those years that could at least buy pizza and games if not a bit of rent and a beater.
The parents probably feel like they’re out of options in terms of how to make him move in a positive direction and they are also running out of time as they are or reach retirement age, how can they afford themselves and him on a fixed income?
If he was 18, doing some sort of education/training, or just lost financial footing for a bit that’s one thing but whatever is going on there is something else.
I know I struggled after leaving school for a few years, but even then I still managed to get the occasional part time or irregular hours of work between periods of unemployment. That was living in a small town too. Then I got an apprenticeship and been fully employed ever since.
I’m in my 30s, back at my parents’ for the umpteenth time and I hate it but goddamn am I grateful.
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I’m 30 and have been back home since the start of last year, after having lived elsewhere for a decade.
Then traveled in autumn and got laid off at the start of the year in a sector (software) that’s experiencing talent excess. It’s basically impossible to get an interview, their reaction when I told them I’m moving back to the capital to get a bachelor of education is kind of wild. they’re both like, wouldn’t you like to stay a little longer?
I’m just like, guys I’ve been unemployed for half a year. Without any entrepreneurial ideas. I’m not about to start a company. I need to do something…
I see it. If you feel you’ve tried everything in your power sometimes a person needs the feeling of falling out of the nest to learn to fly
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay? WTF do I come to the greentext community for? Just serious comments about people’s own experiences? Fucking shameful
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay?
Given the type of person who frequents 4chan, it is likely the most heteronormative and real-ass thing ever posted in green.
Well it’s gay because OP has touched dick more than he’ll ever touch a woman.
Idk about fake though. It tracks pretty much with what I’ve known the average 4channer to be like.
my own experience is fake and gay.
Very very gay
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
I know people like this. Knew a quite a few people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35. I am in my 40s and I still meet single women who are living with/off mom and dad at my age… but people generally dont’ judge women for that.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt ‘adulthood’ should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it’s never.
And in my experience it’s largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it’s not living at home, it’s people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off… they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Also there is the issue emotional co-dependence, some parts are just totally co-dependent on their kids emotionally and don’t want them to ever leave, etc.
My MIL is one of the codependent ones. My SO is basically her parent at this point.
Luckily my mom thinks MIL is a shitty parent, and actually acts like a parent for my SO.
My nephew is in exactly this position. My sister and her husband make plenty of money, they felt emotionally attached, he’s diagnosed as ADHD, so he gets a pass on some things. He’s 32.
I know millennials hate that older people criticize them and I get it, but every millennial I know is in exactly this position and I don’t understand how anyone can hold his head high knowing he essentially can’t take care of himself.
On the other hand, I grew up in a different time. I graduated with $9k of debt, not $100k. I devoted decades of my life working to make someone else rich. So who’s smarter, me or my nephew?
I mean, if they’re ok with him living there, who am I to judge? My only real complaint is that he feels entitled to things he hasn’t earned. My sister plays disc golf with me. He played with us briefly. He won’t let her use “his” discs. The discs she paid for. He demands to sit in the front seat of the car sometimes, not request it. I’m sorry, but if Mom says she wants the front seat, Mom gets the fucking front seat. Not sure if this is generational or just him. But as a genX, I try to be understanding, because I see how the country has gone, but it can be tough sometimes, because from my perspective, he’s getting a 100% free ride and should be friggin grateful.
does he legit have that debt? or are you just generalizing? most people don’t have 100K of debt… some people do and those folks aren’t smart people and their bad choice making tends to compound their situation over time. I have known folks with the 100K of debt… and trust me those people knew what they were doing, they just refused to pay down their debt…
I had 35K of debt, and paid $15K of it off in two years on a 30K job, because I made it a priority and I didn’t want to be poor forever.
A lot of bad parents enable their children’s bad choices and they have to live with the consequences. His parents taught him to be entitled and rude probably because they did not practice discipline or punishment for poor actions. But you’re right it’s none of your business really. You can’t fix anyone else’s bad choices. It’s not his generation, it’s just him and how he was raised.
No. He has no debt. I meant that as a general statement about how things were more affordable for me than for millennials. It was easier for me to forge out on my own than it is for today’s youth. I’ve just heard of people graduating with $100k. It really makes you switch your thinking. Before, I would have expected any child of mine to go to college. Now I would understand if he or she didn’t want to. I have no children, so I dodged that bullet. LOL.
the average student debt is like 30K.
i had a friend who graduated in 2007 with 100K in debt… it was also possible to do that 20 years ago… if you were really dumb. She was really dumb. She had that debt load from a lower-cost public school… she just make really bad financial choices… and then went ot graduate school for 6 years so the debt wasn’t’ getting paid back… and then got a low-wage job afterward… yeah
32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.
we don’t know what his parents did or didn’t do leading up to op’s brief synopsis.
I think we can infer, based on the fact that a grown ass man is still living with his parents and clearly not helping financially since he has no clue how to get a job.
There is a lot of valuable materials inside flock cameras that can be sold for profit.
Ooh deadass? I don’t think they have them in my city let alone country yet, but when they come, I’ll be ready
Lots of copper.
I moved out at 17, got married at 20, bought a house at 22. I also have been working since I was 12. After forty years of working, I still have nothing saved except some home equity.
There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren’t. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won’t and do it in a way that’s as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because otherwise this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it’s just a good thing to do. Some people won’t take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.
Edit: As far as I can tell, the closest thing to this in the US is the one-stop centers. Each state has their own.
Wait, you guys don’t have that? US I assume? Damn, does your government do anything?
I don’t think the federal government has a program like this, but I went through unemployment after getting laid off last year in Massachusetts and they had resources to help you find careers and training/qualifications and whatnot. Some of the dumbest, lowest empathy people you encounter bitch about Communist Taxachusetts non stop but we have it pretty good here compared to some other places in the Union.
The tax revenue per capita in Massachusetts is about $9000. (source)
I measure it this way because it gets around the comparison problem of some places having no income tax, but high sales tax toake up for it.
Anyway, we should happily pay $4000 per year difference to not live in Oklahoma.
The only thing our government actually does that’s uncontroversial is running a bunch of parks, and even those are understaffed
Governments are for Communists.
/s
There are plenty of programs to help you get a job. Though, if you are 38, living with your parents, and never got off your ass to support yourself, the problem is you. A program that helps you get a job can’t do shit for you if you are this unmotivated.
Japan is probably the closest by actually having the hikikomori problem in public discourse. Most of the rest of the world they probably end up homeless.
Japan is just ahead of the curve when it comes to problems related to arrested development. They’re not better at planning, they just experienced their tipping point earlier
Lots of people end up on welfare and in social housing under similar situations. We stigmatize those people so much that it never enters public discourse in the same way.
People who are unhoused tend to have even more severe difficulties resulting in that situation.
The US used to have the Job Corps program…
this already exists, it’s called temp agency employment. no, the government doesn’t run it.
baffles me how little real world experience a lot of you people have. at least every other day on here I see someone spectulate abotu this ‘great thing that should exist’ and it already does.
also a ton of bigger public libraries offer these types of services/classes for free. including basic computer job skills and such…
but you’d have to actually… look it up and leave your house to do any of this.
I wish my government had some social safety nets like some other countries do to help out people like this
HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF SHITTY PRIVATE BUSINESSES THAT SORT OF KIND OF DO THAT BUT NOT ACTUALLY? GO OUTSIDE YOU MORON!
Are you OK and if not would you like a hug?
because it works perfectly fine if you’re not a helpless moron, that’s why.
lots of people start their careers through temp job training programs and become permanent hires.
i’m not dumb and niave enough to be lemmy brained to think government programs are inherently flawness and wonderful and private/semi public programs are evil and terrible.
i have what they call ‘real life experience’ in these matters. instead of being a keyboard warrior who types in all caps and insults people as if this is in anyway helpful of knowledgeable about the world and how it works.
but hey man, it’s easy to dwell in ignorance and rage at the world than… make use of resources that are readily available to you to improve your life. including the countless free ones on the internet that are both public and private…
clearly the ‘answer’ to problems like this is to daydream about a socialist/communist utopia and be angry it doesn’t exist and also wish violence upon those who point out to you that it’s never going to exist.
Yeah you need a hug.
feelings aren’t actions man. you can sit around feeling your feelings all day, I’ll be taking action and taking charge of my life.
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Fine, I’ll bite the bait.
because it works perfectly fine if you’re not a helpless moron, that’s why.
Counter-point: lots of people are helpless morons at some point in their life. I certainly was. I was lucky enough to have family and friends and skills that were in demand at the time. Others are less fortunate. Fuck’em, I got mine, I guess?
lots of people start their careers through temp job training programs and become permanent hires.
Temp agencies are not there to help you, not even there to make the economy better or society fairer. They are there to fill temporary positions for as little money as possible, period. Sometimes, their and your interests overlap partly. Plus, they help avoid hiring people long-term. Fear of joblessness every few months is a great motivation to work more for less. I’ve seen it plenty of times, and while there are degrees of hell, all of them suck.
i have what they call ‘real life experience’ in these matters
Me too. I was on welfare for half a year and not having to worry about my immediate survival gave me the time I needed to hunt for a half-decent job and convince myself to go to college. Now, a decade later, I have an engineering master degree and get to work on some cool stuff. Without government support, I’d probably have jumped at the first shitty job I got and would be stuck there. What’s your life experience? Pulled yourself up by your bootstraps while walking uphill both ways?
clearly the ‘answer’ to problems like this is to daydream about a socialist/communist utopia and be angry it doesn’t exist and also wish violence upon those who point out to you that it’s never going to exist.
As someone from a not-yet-a-total-shithole country, those things exist over here, and while they are as bad at their job as one expects, at least they are there. A cynic public officer half-heartedly trying to get you to become a tax-paying citizen is leagues better than nothing. It’s not a day dream when it clearly exists outside of dystopian ex-first-world countries like the US. Everyone benefits if people get off the street and/or their couch and do something “useful”. I’m happily paying taxes that support welfare, education and coaching, and I’d much prefer it, both from an ethical and an economical point of view, if the government started properly collecting taxes from billionaires and big companies than go after that mystical welfare freeloader.
Which government are you talking about there’s more than one you know.
the illuminati
Private services are not the same.
but you’d have to actually… look it up and leave your house to do any of this.
That’s the problem. The sort of person we’re talking about isn’t going to do this. What’s needed is an army of people incessantly knocking on doors offering to help.
they aren’t going to open the door either man.
you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. homeless, drug addicts, dependapotamus situations etc.
though on lemmy people think a political revolution is going to like… magically fix people like this… but the only person who will is themselves.
Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it’s real, all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked. This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well. there are programs but they do not hold your hand. They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something. If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won’t be pleasant.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can’t.
all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter
Famously very luxurious, accommodating, and safe places to live long term. There’s never a space shortage. You get three squares a day of very tasty and nutrious faire, no questions asked. There’s never any kind of Kafka-esque bureaucracy to gaining entrance, much less obligations on the people in the shelter to maintain residence. It’s definitely not boring. Nobody is ever exploited. Mental health of all the residents is top notch and you never experience and physical violence or emotional abuse while there.
It won’t be pleasant.
Understatement.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
“I’m broke, I have no transportation, and I’m about to be homeless”
“Have you talked to your lawyer about it?”
I feel like you are being a cunt on purpose, most of those points where addressed in the comment. Ok the lawyer one needed clarification. Disability lawyers are a little easier (not easy, easier) to obtain while in a homeless and jobless state. Starting off pro bono and eventually getting paid from the state in one way or another, or thro charities/non profits is not uncommon for them.
Yes it was a understatment about shelter life. But you got so dum and smarmy about it. Its still better that the fucking street. (at least in an american east coast city). Yea your still gonna get robbed, but their is a much lower chance of getting stomped, lit on fire, or just fucking raped.
I don’t want my tax money being used to shelter 4chan users 😤
Do you believe that having a roof over your head is a human right? I certainly do. Yes even the most detestable people in the world deserve a roof over their heads, with a place to sleep, and a functioning toilet and shower and some space to store their belongings.
This should be the bare minimum that all people are guaranteed by society but apparently that’s a very high bar
They raised him like that!
This is child abuse.
Every time I see when of these stories I feel a little better that the one thing didn’t fuck up in life was helping my younger brother transition from dependent child to independent adult. It’s so easy to do it without breaking them but we lionize being cruel to young boys. As if cruelty is what grows them.
Good for yinz! My older sister helped me transition a few times in my life. Homelessness and divorce. She kicked me out 1 year after my divorce. Scrambled to find a place but I did.
Letting the guy sit around doing nothing for the last 15 years was the abuse.
I’m going to assume the issue started prior to age 23
Yes
People which use the “age of maturity” as a excuse to be abusive to people and especially to their children are not the people you want to live with.
I’m from a culture where it is completely normal to live with your parents for essentially their entire lives. The issue is that as an immigrant family to a culture where it isn’t, makes me seem weird by comparison. I also have some of the worst luck there could be. My parents idea of success is to get a very good education, get a high paying job, support the family. There’s only one small problem. I fucking despise academia or academic institutions with all my soul. It took me 8 years to finish a 4 year degree and 4 years for a 2½ year masters. Additionally when I finished college, COVID hit hard and finiding a job was impossible since most companies stopped hiring. Now that I finish my masters we have the AI bubble and companies stopped hiring again. I never worked a real job my entire life, only research assistant, or student jobs. I have zero savings since those jobs barely pay above minimum wage. It fucking sucks. In any group I’m constantly the most educated looser there is. It makes you look repulsive to the point where I really hate talking about myself in person. I’d rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage. I spend essentially more than 20 years in non-stop education and it ground me down mentally to the point where I don’t even have motivation to keep on living. Literally, Fuck My Life. If anyone wants it, take it. Seriously, anybody, just put me down like a wounded animal.
Consider construction. They have unions, apprentices don’t get paid great but certainly better than minimum wage, and with some hands on experience you can go for a cert to do CAD and make real money
They’re always building something, and there’s a pipeline of moving from a trade into a CAD role - they tend to promote from inside due to unions, so it can be a kind of backdoor to avoid the mess of the application process right now
An engineer is an engineer, IDK what flavor you studied but I’m sure it’d give you a big leg up in getting into a CAD role
The issue is getting in. In smaller towns sometimes it’s easier, but for example in my city for electricians, there’s 3000 applicants a year, and the Union only takes 25-50 into the program.
I especially love how they bragged about building a training center capable of teaching several hundred students… and still only take 25-50 in.
I’d rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage
Are you working using your engineering degree? You make it sound like you’re unemployed, so how is an apprenticeship salary worse than no salary? I don’t know where you’re located, but here in the US, there are many trade programs at community colleges that are very affordable and that could be accessed in the evenings even if you had a different full time job. Your engineering background being applied to a trade also puts you in a position to differentiate yourself in a few years once you’re independent. You should let go of what your parents want right now and start planning for your own future. What are you, about 36? It’s def not too late.
The cost of living for someone with a job can be higher than an unemployed person as they need to live where they can commute from, which can make things like living with parents or not having a car infeasible. If the job doesn’t pay well enough to cover this, then having no income leaves you better off.
In the short-term, maybe? But if you have the skills to be employed, you will be much better off over time starting to work somewhere. Having a job sets you up to obtain a better or higher paying role in the future
The long-term prospects are better, but if someone doesn’t have some kind of buffer like savings or the bank of mum and dad to cover the period where their earnings aren’t enough to break even, then the short-term problems make the long-term benefits impossible to actually reach.
Sure, but we’re talking about someone who lives with their parents and has that buffer
We’re talking about someone who lives with their parents, but there’s no indication they’ve got any buffer. If there aren’t apprenticeships within walking distance of their parents’ home and they pay poorly enough to not cover housing or commuting costs, then the option of living with parents doesn’t do any good because they can’t use that option while also doing work.
I’m finishing my masters right now. With fairly bad grades that is, because I really don’t care about putting in any effort anymore. Which probably means that just like with my equally shit bachelors degree I won’t be able to get a proper engineering position. The thing is that if you apply even to entry level positions, companies usually have more than enough candidates that don’t took 10 years to finish college with barely passing grades. And even on the off chance that a company is desperate enough to hire you, it’s usually a really bad one. I’m currently working as a student. Which pays very good by the hour, but is limited in the amount of hours you can work. So yeah while I get a decent hourly wage, it’s a lot less money monthly than even the worst paying trade jobs. And I’m prohibited by law to take on more hours or a second job while enrolled college (or more precisely the employer is not allowed to give me more hours). I also earn a little money on the side but all together is just barely enough to cover the bills. So yeah, don’t be like me and push yourself into a dead end where you’re too overqualified for unskilled labor, too inexperienced for skilled labor and too financially unstable to start over.
And even on the off chance that a company is desperate enough to hire you, it’s usually a really bad one.
You’re viewing this as an all-or-nothing situation, when it’s not. The shit jobs are the jobs new grads take. You work your way up from there. Stop comparing yourself to someone who landed a job you think is better, and just work toward what you want.
Tamaki Saitō’s book Hikikomori is worth a read on this
