「I want to talk, but you’d prefer my silence」

I’ve always desired this connection
I never wanted to face rejection

Feelin’ alone in this land
Always holding my hand
Too afraid for solo exploration
Always obeying your every command

Tell me, mother: was my existence part of your plan?
All this noise, so hard for me to stand
Have you ever tried to stand…
in my shoes; To understand?

So long ago, not sure if I still remember
I can barely remember the motherland

Crossing this intersection
Always dreamed of going on my own direction
This isn’t a treasonous defection
I just have a fundamental objection

In the past, you’ve always shown affection
Everything you did, 'said was for my own protection
Under control by your emotional infection
Am I just another one of your possessions?

I’m afraid the status quo of this silence remain
I’m afraid there is more to lose than there’s to gain
I just don’t want you to misunderstand
You can pretend I’ll still the obedient child holding your hand

Footnote: Yes my mother actually used to hold my hand when I was like around 8 years old all the way toll I was 12… and sometimes even after, its not just a metaphor, it’s literal. (But also metaphorical at the same time)

I’m not sure if that was supposed to be her way of expressing “maternal love” or just weirdly obsessive and controlling… 🤔 she said she “just want to make sure I’m safe”… eh… idk… maybe she does care? maybe? I’m not even sure anymore…