How do you survive hitting a moose? I feel like that’s equivalent to hitting a brick wall.

AFI does Earth AD

I would assume. That’s where I am.

Yes apparently

My city sits on a filled in swamp.

I had never heard of CED and researching it led me to the knowledge that laserdisc was originally called Discovision.

Brb. Recording all my records into my vcr.

Blues Brothers. For a musical comedy that movie starts slooow.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.

–Stephen Wright

Bill Murray is God who is so fucking over it and just wants to hand this shit off to his son.

Jason Schwartzman is Satan trying so hard to get everybody to like him even though he sucks.

Are we talking standard poodle or toy poodle? Because both are funny in their own way.

I’m guessing your current mood is “really fucking high.”

Who cuts a pizza into only four slices?

They do.

From their website:

The Waffle House employees receive health insurance, dental insurance, vision insurance, and life insurance.

I didn’t at first because it’s so sweet but I came around on it.

Even if they did, humans are way too big for them to bother with. They are lazy as fuck. Food practically has to fall into their mouths.

Manhattan Special. Fuck yeah. Love that stuff. I used to live around the corner from the factory. I still make my own from time to time.

Alligators generally aren’t all that dangerous. They are not aggressive at all, especially not toward humans. But they fucking will be if they know you have food and then you’re fucked.

Save some pasta water and heat it in a pan with the noodles and they should separate. Add sauce and reheat the whole thing in the pan.