And then what? You get your balls through, you’re all engorged and now you’re stuck, your aroused loins filled with blood and you with panic and regret as the hole becomes a massive load-bearing cockring. PLAN AHEAD PEOPLE!

Evil Nietzsche be like “Why can’t you be more like those good Christian people?”

Imagine stepping into a shower and rubbing yourself down with a chocolate lobster.

You probably won’t think it’s chocolate at first.

This reminds me of a friend of mine whose hatred of olives was legendary. Like he didn’t just dislike them. We’re talking about a seething, unrelenting loathing. This was a man who wished violence and suffering on olives.

Now, his neighbor would traditionally gift his family homemade chocolates during the holidays. And one year (you already know where this is going don’t you?), his teenage children conspired with the neighbor to gift him with, yup, chocolate covered olives.

He didn’t speak to his neighbor for six years after that.

I grew up in a “pop” part of the country. Then moved to a “soda” part of the country for a while and not only did I change my word usage, but I decided I liked “soda” better because it was a more accurate description of the beverage.

I have since moved back to my old “pop” area and I still use “soda” and I get weird looks. One of my friends even called me a traitor.

This, but with my phone.

I think it’s the clock. That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.

There’s a pragmatic reason too. Power lines and transformers need constant maintenance. When the line fails somewhere, it’s easier to access when you don’t have to dig, and also less disruptive.

Also, they’re up high because people in general are dumb af and will fuck with them if they’re within reach.

In order from left to right:

Younger, Older, YoungerOlder, Bono

They’re reminding you to please not pollute.

I know what piping bags are for.

Hint: not for piping

Source: experience

Trying to think if I know anyone who’d get this joke right away…

Could it be this?

industrial strength pop rocks

That…that’s just C4.

Internet person here. Can confirm.

I spent a couple decades as a professional musician, and so I learned my way around a lot of instruments. I’d say bass is my best though - it’s absolutely my favorite. I’m not Thundercat but I’ll lay down rock grooves for you all week long.

You can lick mine.

You won’t want to, but you can…