SoylentSnake [he/him, they/them]

the zionazi family friends continue to be invited to my parents thanksgiving, i’ve debated not going two years in a row now but idk if that does anything but feed my ego. maybe i’ll wear a keffiyeh this time or just punch these fucking inhuman sheltered grotesque losers in the face

*their name

just want to see and be seen by someone i love who feels deeply familar to me/feels like home

Operation Commune With The Other simultaneously already has me feeling socially burned out despite being only a two week old initiative and also has not appreciably made lasting steps against my loneliness

(i get that forming bonds with people means being part of communities consistently and it takes time i’m just venting sadness and frustration)

yeah this graph never fails to depress me. not that you can’t make great connections with people you meet off the apps but it’s really an uphill battle against how they’re structured, and the fact that people don’t seem to know how to connect IRL anymore and that the combination slot machine/online store is so thoroughly the default is depressing.

Slightly/starting to be drunk at 2-3 beers in a pleasant social setting and the 40-60% finished point of a morning energy drink are both unmatched feelings.

Foul seducers are they though, they always convince you that having more is a good idea and then the problems start…

song still rips tho, one my GOATs easy

death grips beware is my comfort song for when people let me down and i want to indulge “fuck’em i just need me motherfuckers” type feelings but honestly it’s kinda a massive cope because isolation in that song is like living a primal life hunting in the wilderness while also doing black magic and isolation in my life is sitting in my dark living room watching repetitive slop trying and failing to enforce boundaries with my annoying cat and drinking seltzer when i’m good and drinking beer when i’m bad, doesn’t exactly illicit a feeling of dark, brutal, liberating poetry like that song does lol

I try to do the whole “kind to people, ruthless to systems” thing, idk it works sometimes doesn’t work others. a lot of the really grotesque behaviors we see are conditioned into people by perverse incentives built into the very roots of the systems around us, i try to remind myself that they could have been better if the world around them was better. again, sometimes it works other times it doesn’t. best i’ve got though sadly…

Not that I’m trying to quit but I want to beat the addiction allegations

me with booze, if it means anything ur doing better than i am lol

man i really do love people but also i fucking hate them

fire up the big communism builder! build that .00000003% of communism u rockstar, u!

yeah i kinda get why people settle for folks they’re not really into, it’s such an annoying grind that any escape can seem better than none (i will not settle tho).

dating gripes:

it’s a sample size of two but i’ve never had someone say they wanted to be friends after a first date and mean it as more than a soft rejection. i wish ppl would stop with that shit man i could use more friends and also it’s so easy to just say “yeah dont feel a connection bye” if you’re meeting off the apps, kinder to be cruel in this instance.

also “when you’re not looking for it is when it will come” is some of the dumbest fucking advice, yeah dude giving up all control over the process of meeting someone sounds like a brilliant strategy. like i get the kernel of truth which is have a full life outside of dating and don’t make it your everything (and if you’re very very lucky sometimes you do just stumble upon love) but c’mon.

d*ting is so fucking annoying dude i’m beyond over this shit

me at the halal truck

People five years younger get to learn how to accept themselves and feel their feelings.

i’m in my mid 30s and have semi-recently started doing this a lot more, never give up

i was doing fine around my most recent serious romance ending after only a few months - hit a point where i realized it was for the best, have been doing Operation Commune With The Other in other areas of my life, etc. but i was listening to the Disco Elysium soundtrack and started thinking about how rare it is for me to meet people who make me feel seen and who i also see intuitively and who feel so familiar to me and i broke down bawling for a good while. i know it’s something i’ll find again - and hopefully with someone more ready for serious intimacy - but still. but still…

Nah ima blow up their spot heavy

oh god oh fuck