I have a few to add to this list.

My favorite long-term hobby has been gaming. I’ve been gaming for about 30 years, and I’ve probably played over a thousand games. Out of everything I’ve played, there is one game that I still think about regularly: Spec Ops: The Line. I played it once, about a decade ago, and the reason I really loved it is the way it presented the idea that even when you are doing your best to do the right thing, from another’s perspective, you are wrong, evil, and an enemy. They took the idea that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” and turned it into a video game. Plus, the white phosphorus sequence has lived rent-free in my head ever since I played it.

When it comes to books, one of my favorites is a book I could not finish: The End and the Death: Volume II by Dan Abnett. The book is so well written that it oozes the bleak atmosphere of its setting to the extent that it made me uncomfortable. For context, this particular book is the 11th in The Horus Heresy: The Siege of Terra. This is part of the Warhammer 40k universe. I’ve been a long-time fan of the lore and spent years watching videos on this topic. I loved it so much that I started reading the books that depict the most iconic event in this universe, the Horus Heresy. I went through all 54 numbered books in the Horus Heresy and the 9 mainline books that cover the Siege of Terra, but The End and the Death: Volume II broke me. I just could not finish it. When I started the books, I already knew the lore and how it concludes, but after two years of getting to know the characters, I found it very hard to watch them march toward the end. The reason I love the Warhammer universe is how it depicts transhumanism. You’ve got all these incredible, powerful, incredibly smart superhumans who fail because, while they enhanced their biology, they left their humanity behind and aren’t able to connect with others. And it all started with the God Emperor, who, as a child, realized that his uncle had killed his father. That single event planted a seed in his mind that led him to believe that humanity is not capable of leading itself and needs a strong hand to help it reach its true potential. Then he spent over 30,000 years scheming, plotting, and doing everything possible to guide humanity. But in those 30,000 years, the God Emperor gained so much power that he became more god than man, and with each passing millennium, more of his humanity was lost. And that was his—and humanity’s—downfall. In the end, because he lacked human qualities, he was unable to connect with his own sons, and their daddy issues caused some of them to turn against him and bring ruin to everyone. Warhammer 40k is, on the surface, a story about superhumans fighting hell itself, but deep down, the real story is that this hell was brought about because they lost their humanity.

I would also like to add a movie to this list: Everything Is Illuminated. It’s the story of a young Jewish American who wants to learn more about what happened to his family during and after World War II, so he travels to Ukraine to figure some things out. Why I resonated with this film is one of the secondary themes—specifically, the idea that there are moments when you have to carve out a piece of who you are in order to survive an incredibly difficult situation. I had to do this multiple times in my life, and each time I thought, “Will letting this piece go help me move forward or break me?” I always wondered how much a person can cut away from the things that make them who they are, and whether it is worth it. Everything Is Illuminated does a good job of highlighting that part.

You now have a friend for life, congratulations! Stay strong, fascism never lasts; it will get better.

This is so underrated 🤣. I have a friend that could not breathe trough his nose his entire life. After he got surgery and was finally able to breathe through his nose, it changed his life, according to him.

Wow, you are crushing it!

Congratulations! It sounds like you put a lot of work into these projects. I hope you will take a break after, to recharge your batteries.

I like the idea of a “least worst” answer. When you put it like this, I realize that I tried clinging to the idea that if you think hard enough about a topic, you can find the best answer. Unfortunetlyu that is now how the world works and a “least worst” answer is much more achievable.

I would recommend seeking a professional counselor for guidance as a path for both of you to have a way to communicate important ideas with one another yet still being able to be gentle in the delivery.

Counseling is a more difficult topic to bring up. We are on the older side of the Millennial generation, and we were raised in a time when counseling was associated with, to put it bluntly, madness. I recognize that it is wrong, and I have sought professional help in the past, and it did wonders for me. That being said, recently the topic of counseling came up in conversation on an unrelated situation, and she made it clear that she is not fond of the idea. If we find ourselves in a situation where we can’t communicate healthily, I will propose couples counseling.

Thank you for the input! I see now that I was trying to find the right answer in a situation that has no right answers. I need to shift my focus to being there for her while finding ways to share my feelings in ways that are not going to give her more reasons to worry.

Thank you! You make a great point; the situation we are in is not straightforward. I spiraled in my attempt to find the “right” answer, to the point that I did not stop to consider that there is no right answer. Also, even if I reach a point where I get something I consider the “right” answer, if my wife is not involved in figuring out what is best for us as a couple, it is most likely not the answer we are looking for. I guess that in my attempt to shield her by not discussing what I am feeling, I might go down the path where we get disconnected from each other. I need to take a step back and figure out how I can communicate with her in a way that does not burden her and let her know that I am here for her.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Typing everything out helped me relieve some of the anxiety I was feeling. It’s good to feel acknowledged; it makes me feel like I am not crazy for feeling all the things that I am feeling.